A sensitive and important topic
And a gentle request from my daughter
Hello, dear readers.
In considering how to write about this topic, I returned to the key messages that are important to me to speak about. You have shared that they resonate with you too—following the inner calling, living in the moment, breaking free of our past, the importance of self-care, and the challenges and joys of parenting.
I believe this topic is aligned, especially because breaking free of our past requires facing the hard stuff head on. I write in a general way, but I will give a trigger warning that I am addressing sexual assault and sexual abuse, so feel free to skip this post.
Brand new subscribers, thank you for joining. Please feel invited to read prior essays on my website instead, or dive right in.
In my memoir, Untouched and Untaken, which one of these days will reach the world, I share about my past in being a survivor of sexual traumas. While I have personally experienced tremendous healing, for which I am grateful, I cannot name one woman I know that hasn’t had her physical-sexual boundaries crossed in some way, and in sharing my experience with others, an incredibly unexpected number of men have shared with me that they too have been violated. As children, teens, and adults, too many of us have faced sexual traumas that can take a lifetime to overcome. They color our ability to trust, to attach, to love, to share space, and to value ourselves.
My daughter unfortunately did not make it to adulthood unscathed. You can read our story in the essay I wrote for South Bay Families Connected, Struggling to Survive - The Fight of and for My Daughter's Life. (Whenever I write about my daughter’s experience, I give it to her to read first so she can approve what goes out into the world about her story.) This article touched many parents whose children have faced hardships far too young, whether related to sexual traumas or otherwise. Seeing young people lose their innocence is one of the most difficult rites of passage we have as parents and people who love children. When that happens suddenly and without warning, it’s tragic.
My daughter is a survivor, like me and like so many of us. She has done an incredible job of facing the hard stuff head on and developing the tools and skills to cope and move forward. She will have a long journey, but her commitment to self-awareness astounds me, and I hope she carries that value with her for her whole life.
When she was assigned an opinion paper, she chose to write about sexual assault as a way to better understand her own experiences and to learn more about others’ awareness and opinions. She and I crafted a survey, and we would greatly appreciate your feedback if you are so inclined. Often our mess is our message, and as my daughter continues to grow and share her story, I believe her openness will help reduce the stigma and shame that continues to surround sexual trauma. These are conversations we need to be having, publicly and privately. We have to hold not only perpetrators responsible, but ourselves accountable to facing and feeling the discomfort so that we can heal individually and collectively.
Here is a link to the survey. It takes about 5 minutes to answer and respondents remain anonymous (even to us).
On behalf of both my daughter and myself, I thank you in advance for sharing your opinions. Please also feel free to share your stories with us by emailing me. I will share with her as directed.
We are all working to heal and generate hope that one day, all victims will be restored to self-love, and our world will come to understand the gravity of sexual assault and take action to prevent it.
We wish you peace.